8 Tips For Understanding Child Behavior In School

My daughter was four years old when I noticed that something was amidst. While most of the other children in her daycare would clap and sing along to the natural beat of traditional nursery songs, my daughter would do anything possible to leave the classroom. I was constantly plagued by calls from the school. One day she would get frustrated, take her shoes off, and refuse to put them back on. Another day, she would cry relentlessly until she fell asleep. 

My heart ached at the realization that my baby was unable to feel security in her own skin. At the time, I was a single parent, unable to share the responsibility of my daughter's care.

At home, my daughter was upbeat and curious. She happily spent time alone and could often be heard laughing to some of her favorite tv shows. She had an expansive vocabulary by the age of four which became obvious when she asked me to buy her a kaleidoscope for Christmas. I must admit, I was quite intrigued by her as a little person.

The daycare calls became an obstruction to my workday. I was a single woman in leadership hoping to make my way up the chain of command. It was difficult to make a case for elevation when I was consistently requesting pardon for my absence due to my daughter's needs.

I knew that I needed to get to the bottom of what was happening my child and it was important to do so without rocking the boat at the daycare that she was attending. At that time, I had been in the field of youth development for a little over a decade. I had witnessed the way that some people treated children based on parent interactions. I refused to allow someone else's petty bone to be the catalyst for my daughter experiencing any additional distress. So, I did what I could to be collaborative with the day care center.

Navigating the complex waters of your child’s behavior in school can feel like deciphering a code without a key. But fear not, dear parent, for you are not alone on this journey. Understanding the root causes of behavioral issues is akin to unraveling a mystery, one that requires patience, empathy, and a dash of detective work. Here are eight crucial areas to investigate in understanding your child's behavior:

Environmental Influences: Look into how the physical and emotional atmosphere of the school might affect your child. For example, overcrowded classrooms can lead to feelings of neglect, impacting behavior.

Peer Interactions: Notice if changes in behavior align with new friendships or social conflicts. Children mimicking disruptive peers as a way to fit in is a common scenario.

Communication Skills: Difficulty in expressing emotions or needs can lead to frustration-induced outbursts. Teaching your child alternative communication methods, like drawing or writing, can help.

Learning Challenges: Behaviors such as avoidance or acting out might signal struggles with specific subjects. Early intervention with a tutor or special education resources can address these hidden frustrations. Please know that this is not something to be ashamed of. Your child may be neurodivergent having difficulty in neurotypical environments.

Emotional Well-being: Signs of anxiety or depression in children often manifest as withdrawal or aggression. Professional support for emotional challenges is crucial. If your child is drastically different in school than they are at home, it may be worth a shot to investigate their feelings about school AND home. As parents, we're doing the best that we can but sometimes our children are privy to the expression of difficult adult emotions and we're not even aware that it's happening.

Routine and Structure: A sudden lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities might indicate a need for more predictable daily routines. Establishing a consistent schedule can provide a sense of security. Routines can create the feeling of safety. If children know what to expect next, they're more likely to follow the script.

Teacher-Child Relationship: A child who feels misunderstood by their teacher may become defiant. Open communication between you, your child, and their teacher can improve this dynamic. It's also very important that your child sees you and their teacher as teammates working together to problem solve.

Home Environment: Changes at home, like a new sibling or moving houses, can lead to seeking attention through misbehavior. Maintaining open dialogues about feelings and changes can mitigate negative behaviors. It's helpful to communicate changes in the home environment to teachers. This is not a matter of them getting "in your business". Transparency allows grace in the way that the teacher evaluates your child's behavior.

In each of these areas lies a piece of the puzzle. By investigating with an open heart and mind, you can uncover the underlying causes of your child’s behavior and guide them toward a path of growth and understanding. Remember, dear parent, in this intricate dance of parenting, you lead with love, and love always finds a way.